Self-Portraits
















In my adolescence I spent a lot of my nights wide awake, falling in and out of episodes of insomnia. I stayed up until five or six in the morning wandering down a colorful array of internet rabbit holes. Since I can remember I have always loved creating stories and living in a fantasy world. As a coping mechanism for processing and handling my mental health I would come up with many narratives that I lived out in my own head. It was not until l recently I realized these activities were trauma responses to the life changes I was going through while growing up. Dealing with puberty, anxiety, restlessness, and being a vulnerable child on the internet made for a world that was not reality very appealing. These images are centered around looking deeply within myself, I dove into those past memories and feelings to analyze myself and understand why I am who I am.
Utilizing elements of humor as well as horror within the work is important because that is how I cope with most situations such as dealing with death, indisposition, or online grooming. My mother is a huge horror fanatic and I have been watching horror movies my entire life. To create these scenes, lighting and place are heavily considered. Because of my wakefulness in youth my mind can be quite foggy. The color red reminds me of fear and the unknown. I use light as a material to make a dream-like effect within the images. This body of work is focused around my past, so each photograph is taken in places that are crucial to my childhood, whether that be my elementary school or home. I use these tools to convey a disjointed story to portray feelings of displacement. Not only do I wish to express my own vulnerabilities and introspection, but also to allow the viewer to project their own stories into the series with this narrative.